Maeve’s memories
by Ldecosta
Summary: When maeve dies, spencer is left a broken man, he turns to his drugs to escape. What happens when he perposly overdoses and his beat friend finds him. How will spencer survive the world without her, stuck in rehab.
1. Maev’s memory

Spencer sat in his bathroom, his throat dry and his eyes sore. He lost the most intelligent, sweet... beautiful woman he had ever met.

Although he had showered for hours since her death, trying to clean himself enough as if he could wash away the memories, he still felt wrong, dirty, like his eyes were screaming at him to be washed, sterilised, burned.

Spencer looked at himself with such self hatred for what he was about to do and the disgusting way he was going to do it, he continued to jam a screwdriver into a secret panel

in his fireplace and pulled out a black box.

He opened the box and instantly his eyes began to well with the pain of his memories. The shame he felt as he slowly filled up the first sterilised needle, with the thing that ruined his life, his last bottle of delaudid.

He felt that all to similar feeling, the cool substance running down his vains like blood in a river. He continued to do the same thing with the next needle, and the next, and the next, until he had passed out.

"Hey" Morgan said in a soft tone as he knocked on Reid's front. He was looking for the right thing to say, anything to say, but as quickly as the words came they faded. Such as Maeve had.

"Please open up, it has been eight weeks, I haven't seen you, just let me know your okay" Morgan said as the worry on his tone grew.

"Just knock once if your conscience" Morgan pleaded "kid, please" his voice began to strain. "I need to be there for you but I can't if you won't let me in."Morgan's voice was now on the verge of trembling.

"KID! Wake up, PLEASE" Morgan shouted. After he shouted a few more times he got too worried to wait.

I'm one swift motion, Morgan kicked down the door, what he found made his heart physically ache. Reid has always tried to keep his house tidy but he was often to busy and wrapped up in a book or a case that he didn't have time to tidy his apartment. But what he found was worse than he had expected, he found there was smashed glass on the floor, books strewn out across the place, clothes on the sofa and floor.

"Jesus Reid" Morgan said in shock "REID, REID" Morgan shouted as he made his way through Spencer's apartment searching for him. He finally went into the bathroom and saw Reid there lying on the cold, hard white tiles, his face had dark circles all around his eyes, as if he hadn't slept over a month. His body was thin, like he had hardly touched any food. His hair, once flowed freely and ran with glimps of sunlight, now knotted and matted.

Morgan's heart felt like it had been ripped from his body, he could feel the air rush out of his lungs, never to return.

He instinctively dove down to the floor, ignoring the imediate pain that struck through his knees. Reaching to check for a pulse, he almost cried when he felt how weak it was.

He whipped out his arms and picked up Reid, taken back by just how light he was. He ran through the apartment straight outside to his car, he lay down Reid as comfortably as he could in the back seats of his SUV and headed strut for the nearest hospital.


	2. Chapter 2

"OH MY GOD, what happened to my baby boy, did someone hurt him oh my god" Penelope chanted as she trotted on over to Morgan, who was slouched in a hospital waiting room along with Rossie, J.J., Emily and Hotch.

Morgan looked up at the happy person in front of him, how was he supposed to let her know, how was he supposed to break her heart when he loved like he did family.

"Um Reid, he uhh" Morgan once again was searching for the right thing to say but as quickly as it came, it faded. He stood up.

"He um, he overdosed, purposely, I found him in his bathroom, his whole apartment was trashed." Morgan felt his throat tighten.

Garcia's face told eveything she was thinking, her mouth was open, tears swelled her eyes and she almost began shaking. Morgan hugged her to stop her fainting.

"Well can we at least see him, we have to be there for him" Garcia pleaded.

"He is in room 306 but he is still unconscience" Morgan said as he turned to look at the floor. J.J. stood up to accompany Garcia.

The two of them found room 306, knocked on the door, there was no reply, they opened the door, and sat down beside him. His eyes had bigger circles than any of them had ever seen him with. His skin was pale and covered in beads of sweat. His hair had knotted and matted into balls.

Everything was dark for Reid. Then, suddenly he was back in the library. The one where he danced with Maeve. He spun his head, looking for her, anywhere but he couldn't find her, he sat down at the metal framed table, and breathed in the smell of dust and old books, and there, in front of him, Maeve appeared. He smiled and he hugged her. He smelt her hair and kissed her forehead.

"I'm sorry" he said as a single tear fell down his face, "I'm sorry I couldn't save you" his throat felt like it was on fire " I'm sorry I couldn't get to you in time. I miss you every day and I promise I'll never let you go" He hugged her again and felt her arms wrap around his back like he wish they had gotten to do. He closed his eyes, as if, if he never opened them again, he'd never have to leave her.

He squeezed her tighter only for her to disappear, he quickly opened his eyes and the library was gone, he was back in those concrete walls. Maeve lay on the floor her blood making patterns of tree branches from her head. The life in her had flooded away.

He ran to her and held her head he cried and weeped and screamed as loud as he could. But she too disappeared from his arms.

Now he was back in the hospital, he knew the familiar scent of sick people and hand sanerizer. He kept his eyes closed as he knew there was someone else with him, he knew he'd stopped dreaming.

"Spence" instantly he knew J.J. was with him, no-one else had ever called him Spence. He felt a hand on his cheek wipe away the tears. He didn't realised he had been crying

He slowly peeled his eyes open to see JJ. He couldn't speak, it was like there was no air in his lungs. He felt thick leather on his wrists and ankles. He knew he had been restrained, there was no way of escaping.

A doctor walked in the room with a clip board. "Well it's good to see you're up but visiting hours are over" he said unfortunately rather happily.

"But can't we ju." Garcia was cut of by the doctor telling them to leave. The two of them promptly left, waving behind them to Spencer.

The doctor walked over to Spencer who at this point felt so sick he thought he might throw up, withdrawal symptoms. " well it seems you've got yourself in a bit of a sticky situations. You have your family emergency contact as D. Morgan. Well you can either go stay with him on a suicide watch, or you can check yourself into a rehab centre." The doctor said.

"I can't go stay with Morgan so, rehab I guess" Spencer was surprised at just how quickly the words came to him after not being able to speak a word to JJ. He thought about himself, god, the famous intelligent Dr.Spencer Reid, reduces to a suicidal mess.

"Tihank god you picked rehab because I already called them over to escort you." Following that, two big men in white uniform, similar to the ones that had taken his mum away now started to unstap him. Oh go, he thought back to his mum, how would he explain this to her, who would take care of her.

He stood up and the two men held either of his arms. They walked the opposite direction from the waiting room, thank god he wouldn't have to face any of them.

The rehab center was huge, of corse Spencer knew the statistics on the amount of drug addicted people entered rehab programs.

They took him to a small white room, in fact everything was white, the lamps, the bedsheets, the bathroom. He saw a plain pair of jeans and a red t-shirt sat on the bed, god! he thought, he might as well be in prison.

The door promptly shut on him and the two men had left. He began to change out of his hospital gown, into his t-shirt and jeans.

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Garcia left Reid's room and ran to the waiting room. Crying desperately into her hands Morgan hugged her. "It's okay baby-girl, he'll be okay. We just need to be there for him." Morgan said supposedly to Garcia but actually to himself, trying to calm down.

An hour had passed and still no word from the doctor about Reid. When the same doctor that has dismissed Garcia walked passed her, she stood up and grabbed him.

"Has there been any changes, is he okay, what's happened to him." Garcia said as she began to hyperventilate.

"Oh, has no-one told you, he checked himself into a rehab center down the road."

Hotch stood up in a fit of rage "What, are you serious, where is he, I need an address"

The docor was slightly taken back, it he reached into his pocket and pulled out a card, " here you go, but you won't be able to visit him, but I guess you can watch him."

The whole team stood up in unison and made there way to the exit.


	3. Chapter 3

They looked in at the youngest member of their team through the on way glass next to the door. He sat facing away from them on bed placed at the far side of the small room.

He sat there biting his nails and fingertips. All the team had thought this was strange as Reid had always been a gremaphobe, he knew that it would be incredibly unhygienic.

Hotch food with Dave looking at Reid through the one way glass. " how couldn't I have see it, I should've gone to see him, made him get therapy." " this was not you're fault Aaron. The kid life was falling apart, you did what you thought was best"

Blood began to drip on the white bed sheet and Hotch called a worker.

Eating is said to calm the body and mind as it stimulates patterns of behaviour used when not in danger. Reid didn't care how unhygienic biting his nails was, he needed it. He closed his eyes and chewed his finger, he thought of her face, her hair, the way her lips formed a smile, the sound of her voice, her laugh.

Before he realise what was happening two men, similar to the ones that brought him in, can and grabbed his hands, that's when he saw what he had done, he had chewed through his finger and into his flesh. The two men dragged him to the infirmary. Hotch caught a glimps of reid and Reid caught a glimps of his family.

The next thing Reid could remember was waking up in that same rehab room, no doubt hours later, the team had probably gone home, he looked down at his bandaged fingers and hung his head down. He wiped a tear from his face and went into his bathroom to throw up.

He knew the all to familiar withdrawal symptoms of delaudid. He finished throwing up and flushed the toilet, exhausted. His breath smelt fail so he reached for his soft handled too the brush after he had finished brushing his teeth he looked at himself in the mirror that hung perpendicular to the door. His skin was less pale but he looked even more tired. His hair, he hated it.

He walked to his bed with his toothbrush and began rubbing it on the side of the metal bed frame furthest from the one way mirror. He soon had a sharp blade.

He propped the only chair up on the door to stop anyone entering and sat on the bed, the blade now visibly in his hands. He heared banging on the door but he didn't care.

Morgan was the only one left. He refused to leave his best friends side, he sat on a chair that was just tall enough to see throwing the glass. He hadn't realised he had fallen asleep until a loud bang caused by a nurse dropping a stack of files woke him up.

He peered in on Reid to find him sat on his bed, staring at the blade, he shouted at Reid and banged on the glass, it was no use. He banged on the door and called over a worker to open the door, but it wouldn't budge. All Morgan could do was watch his friend.

Reid took the blade and began to spin it in his hand, he knew someone was trying to get in but reid was a genius and knew the perfect angle to position the chair to ensure it would be incredibly hard to open.

Reid took the blade up to his neck, he hesitated as the tip faced his neck, he continued to grab the tips of his hair and cut all of it off until only a few centimetres remained. At that point the door flew open and two people came in and grabbed, either side of him and dragged him off to the infirmary.

Morgan's felt the weight of the world fall of his shoulders as the dragged him out of his rehab room. Morgan followed the two men down the halls, noticing that all the other patients had painting equipment, books, music, something creative, all except Reid.


	4. Chapeter 4

Hotch sat at home, he had just put jack to bed, and was now sat alone, in front of the tv. He felt guilty, he let Reid down, he hadn't seen him in a while and he meant to check up on him but he was busy. Hotch knew he couldn't have known and yet, he was a profiler, he knew behaviour and characteristics, he should have known.

He nursed an iced scotch and leant back, as if to let the recent events sink in. He took a deep breath but it felt like the air wasn't going anywhere.

Hotch looked down at his phone, he had an emergency text from the rehab center where Reid was staying, REID HAD ESCAPED.

Quickly Hotch forwarded the message to the team and told them to head to the bau headquarters so they can find Reid.

Hotch's heart was racing and his head was dizzy. It had been five hours since Reid had gone missing and none of the team had gotten any closer to finding him.

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Morgan was sat at his desk, he looked over at the now vacant desk opposite him, he thought back to 3 months ago, the kid was happier than ever, smiling laughing, joking and now he was dying.

Morgan thought of Maeve, she was the love of Reid's life and he lost her... he lost her...he lost her, why was that phrase stuck in his head.

Suddenly he jumped up and grabbed his coat, he raced to his SUV and started the car... he knew where Reid was.

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Reid sat on the hard concrete floor, his eyes streaming with tears, he was exactly where he kneeled holding Maeve's head three months ago, the day he lost her. His eyes had rivers of tears flowing to the floor and his knees bled from the concrete pushing into him.

He heard footsteps behind him but he didn't care to look behind.

Morgan sat next to reid, he didn't say a thing, he just sat there. He slowly put one arm around Reid and brought his crying friend into his collar bone. He hugged his friend and stroked his back.


End file.
